Former U.S. Vice President Al Gore, he's a rig, eh?
You hear what's up with him lately? He's in trouble cause they say he was trying to get a masseuse to tinker around with him a little bit extra at the end of a $585.00 massage session somewhere way out west in a fancy hotel.
Hey, Al Gore, you're a Harvard grad, a lawyer. You were the second most powerful man on Earth for eight years. You won a Oscar, a Nobel prize for trying to single handedly save the planet from global warming. Now you're telling me, Al, that you can't negotiate yourself a happy ending? And that's off a $580 massage? Not too clever, Al. I don't know by what I might start to question whether you really invented the Internet.
You outta move to Vermont, Al. Do you know, Al, up north of Newport I got three lesbian sisters to change the oil in my four-wheeler just by lending 'em my Shaw's card?
Lawrence Taylor, Ben Roethlisberger, Hugh Grant, Al Gore, Elliot Spitzer-when are those guys going to figure out that if you're rich and famous you can't tinker-toy around with masseuses and strippers and prostitutes?
Those girls see you coming guys. They sue you and go for the big pay day. Especially the American girls; they're wicked smart; any of them kinda girls, I know, always told me they was taken the money I give 'em and puttin' it towards law school.
Tell you what, fellers, come on up here to Vermont. I'll take you to Canada, introduce you to some girls won't tell on ya. Them Canadian girls don't wanna wait to sue you for the big money 'cause they need the money right off.
Sure, it's free health care up there, but gol darn gasoline is like six bucks a gallon in Montreal. And income tax is what up north? Half? Yeah, you guys should go north if you want to live out your boyhood dreams or grown man fantasies. The Canucks 'ul treat you right.
By the way, the charges on Al Gore brought by the masseuse were dropped. There's a great chance Al actually slept through the entire massage and didn't do anything offensive at all. But that's my point: You're Al Gore, naked, in a hotel room with only one other person and that person is rubbing you down with oil? Hey, Al, you're asking for trouble! Not too smart Al-and here some of us thought you were.
So, my invitation still stands, Al. Come hang with me in Montreal, you won't believe the ladies they got up there.
Rusty DeWees tours Vermont and Northern New York with his act "The Logger." His column appears weekly. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Listen for The Logger, Rusty DeWees, Thursdays at 7:40 on the Big Station, 98.9 WOKO or visit his website at www.thelogger.com