My Christmas list is being published in newspapers in Vermont. I hate to play rough, but if by any chance you're unable to pull through with any of my listed requests, I'm not saying I would, but I could have that little bit of information published too.
...Give Me Give Me.
I hope you and Mrs. Claus are well and were able to get away at some point during your 364 days off. I was glad while visiting Vegas this summer to have heard rumor you and Mrs. S. were there also, staying at the Belagio. I trust you knew well enough to go heavy on the sunscreen.
Say hey to the Elves and Reindeer (I've always wondered Santa, the names by which we know them, Comet, Blitzen, Dasher, ... are those their last, or first names?), and be very safe out there on Christmas Eve. You are quite a guy.
Rust's Christmas List
1.Darn Tough socks, 1 pair, with Darn Tough, that's all you need.
2.The ability to feel less scorn toward drivers ahead of me who nearly stop before turning from the main road.
3. A long, wet, French kiss under the mistletoe.
4. This June, ship me several bushels of organic kale. It's probably nasty tasting stuff, but I have a feeling it's going to be the "In" thing this summer.
5.A book on how to live 100 percent organically. I'm not sure it's better for you than living inorganically, but I'm two years shy of fifty and feeling I want to cover all the bases.
6. Clackers. Think '70s Sant.
7. Make no. 3 on the list happen with Sarah Palin.
8. A Burton Love board.
(Santa, gifts 7 and 8 are so when folks ask, and I tell them what I got for Christmas, I'll get more of a reaction then if I answered ("oh, underwear.")
9. An enhanced ability to make people happy.
11. Personal Chef
(Reference 5.) Actually, don't hook me up with the book on organic living because in less than five years they'll be telling us organically grown food isn't any better for us after all. In place of that book, get me a book that will make me appear attractive to musically talented women.
12. Twelve drummers drumming. But only if they're musically talented women.
Rusty DeWees tours Vermont and Northern New York with his act "The Logger." His column appears weekly. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Listen for The Logger, Rusty DeWees, Thursdays at 7:40 on the Big Station, 98.9 WOKO or visit his website at www.thelogger.com