I'll tell you what's funny: Having a moustache. I've been growing one for a couple of weeks, and as a dude, it changes how you feel, really. Well, anyway, it has changed the way I feel.
I felt I wanted to do a little retro deal, just for fun, you know, kick the danged out of the mid-winter dullies a little. So, I grew the 'stash, and it's pulling through for me. I feel a little different. I feel the 'stash adds to me a nice dose of razzmatazz, which at the very least counters both dry winter skin areas just under where my calf muscles attach to my Achilles.
I'm even getting compliments on the 'stash-from cuties! Never thought that would happen. In fact, I felt having a stash would scare most cuties away, further than they already are. Maybe it is scaring most cuties away, but the few comments I get, I'll take, and bank.
There was one comment from a dude, ah, I'd say 20, works at a pizza pie place. Gave me a sweet on my retro stash. Not gay, but I dug the compliment. The guy was a snowboarder who I believe, from his comment, was acknowledging a laissez faire attitude. And to those hip young folks, laissez faire rules. Do I want laissez faire snowboard dudes to think I'm cool? Yup. So, I'll bank the compliment.
Nothing interesting in those few paragraphs, but here today sitting at my computer, the Sun is glaring through the windows, lighting my face, projecting my image onto the screen, and you know what, I find myself a tad taken with my new "retro" look. You would be, too.
Not by my retro look, by yours, if you'd retro your look.
How? Wearing jeans. Can't be pre-washed-have to be originals, 501s, blue, not particularly good feeling, or well fitting. Wear a wide black leather belt with a brass buckle. Yup, you'll suffer a couple weeks, but after you have enough washes in them; they'll look and feel great. Folks won't start calling you Dennis Hopper, but it'll be a start.
Worn Frye boots and a t-shirt with an "Up With People" graphic. A wide, brown leather watchband, with a cheap Timex. And aviator sunglasses that sit askew. There's your retro look.
Course, add the 'stash and long hair for guys, for girls, long hair not conditioned, and let your hairs go wild, even under your arms, everywhere-and your 1970s retro look is complete. Well, not quite.
Guys, put a clunky ring on the middle finger of your off hand. Maybe a retirement ring your grandfather got working 40 years as a salesman for a printer. Then smoke. Then, you'll have seventies retro nailed.
Why do '70s retro? Because we weren't scared of snowstorms then.
Rusty DeWees tours Vermont and Northern New York with his act "The Logger." His column appears weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com. Listen for The Logger, Rusty DeWees, Thursdays at 7:40 on the Big Station, 98.9 WOKO.