I think some people in Essex should be most grateful for a recent Blueberry message from the White House, which I sought and then engendered as announcing that a Presidential Pardon is being issued to everyone listed on the Essex Wall of Fame. Please send no money to support my effort because the only funds required was a picture of me reclining upon a "fainting couch" surrounded by yentas. I was going to send the names of people receiving their pardons, but a contact in the Horace Nye Home informed me that names are protected under the HIPPY Act.
We have a group of Floridians, led by Charley Lewis, Morris Glenn, and Jay Madigan who so miss the North Country that they are holding SADNC (Southern Do Nothing Club) meetings in Bonita Springs, Florida. I understand that some neophytes are traveling 146 miles to the meetings. I don't know about you avid readers, but these avid DNC'ers are avidly advancing avidly to the meetings and in such numbers, that the Bonita Springs Chamber of Commerce is now avidly announcing these meetings. These southern members are so avid about these meetings that none of the "the Burg" members, who are not avid about anything, are not being avidly invited. Wait till they arrive up here in May, whence we will, not avidly, hold them up to a high degree of ridickledockeyness. Oh, my, but a friend on the Repulsive staff has informed me that one can only use the word "avid" (isn't that something that bites in bars?)in obituaries, and modified with words, "fisherman, hunter, bowler, and knitter."
Surprise! I have, at last, found a way to give space to news events in Essex. Call me with announcements before any Sunday for an inclusion. Lee Ackley held the pulpit down in Essex so admirably that some members could then attend other churchites in breakfast at Sportsman.
Now, because I have been asked by Bea to mention someone local in this column besides myself, I now mention Bob Hoffman; Trish Walker; Looey the Lawyer; Allison Haines; Phebe MacDougal; Mrs. Calabash; Doug Peden; Mike Peden, who stood in for the male part of the Methodist church choir; Don Hollingsworth, who was not working on church business this week; Bruce Klink, who was; Gail Drinkwine, who warned one user to drive safely; and David and Marge Reuther, who drove through Essex last week.