She said: "He lunged toward me when we fought." My comment:If he lunges, you leave-period. No lunging allowed.
She said: "He threatened to kill me."
My comment: Hey, gal, someone tells you he'll kill you, you leave the first time he says it-period. No exceptions.
I know he's a "nice guy" and sweet, and I know his father abused him; I know you feel sorry for him because he can't keep a job and that he rattles easily due to medication. I know he's good to your mother and nieces and nephews but gal, listen up: if he picks up a chair and throws it across the room, leave-period-the first time he does it and don't ever come back.
Don't think you can't survive without him because you can and will endure. What you can't do is survive with him.
Not only is it important you understand what you've just read, it's important you follow through with actions appropriate to the situation.
I don't have much hope that cycles of abuse can ever be broken. I have little hope that one day our political and community leaders can make laws that bring wife beating, child molesting, and raping criminal behavior, all to their final act. They're trying harder now, a tad too late for an unfortunate few Vermonters, but at least they're trying harder and that's good-but I think even stricter laws will most likely only hope to stop reoccurrence, not occurrence.
Stopping occurrence, like charity, begins at home.
Being charitable comes from living within the truth, and the truth is if your mate drugs and steals and yells and hits and sits and swears and lunges and molests and kidnaps and rapes, the only chance you have to give he or she charity is to leave, period. The truth will set you free, it can also save your life.
I'm feeling politically incorrect. I'm feeling I want to, point blank, say anyone intentionally harming a young person should be done away with. Before you get mad at me for wanting to kill the killers, I want to say I took an unofficial survey of my own last week-100 percent of you responded that you'd kill killers, too.
Sorry, killers, and no offense, because I certainly have compassion for all humans; I know you have many good qualities, but if one of your bad qualities is killing, you gotta go; and not because you're so much more a bad person than I am-but more because you're a cog in the cycle of a long line of abusers. I believe the way to dead reckon an end to a cycle is to bury it. So you see, it's not so much about killing you as it is about the potential to save so many lives in the future. I hope that makes sense to you, and I'm sure it does cause you are actually sharp and not so much insane as your defense team would like us to believe.
I recall a recent sunset, standing out amid days of clouds, that was profoundly beautiful. As I drove across the valley to visit a landscape painter friend of mine, I watched the sunset progress; I thought how odd it is that one man could see such a beautiful thing and be moved to paint it, while another man-his neighbor-will see the same sunset and be filled with hate.
Rusty DeWees tours Vermont and Northern New York with his act "The Logger." His column appears weekly. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Listen for The Logger, Rusty DeWees, Thursdays at 7:40 on the Big Station, 98.9 WOKO or visit his website at www.thelogger.com