Lots of folks ask me if I like making jokes about politics. I don't, simply because my mine doesn't flow toward that realm. Recently though I've written something, not so much about politics, but about a political figure.
What follows is the joke that I've performed now a half dozen times. It's working like a charm. I thought I'd type it down hard and see if it translated to the page as funny. Well, I'm not sure it does. I am sure though that pace and timing is key when performing comedy. I'm also sure saying certain words on stage feels less, ah, let me see, less like someone will take offense, then if the same words are written. Below, I've felt I had to change a few key words for them to pass the printable test. Funny that when folks hear certain words they're fine with them, but reading the same words can rile them. What's written either carries more weight, or, I'm a guy who can color words better when I say them, then when I write them. Probably none of this is making sense. Maybe if you go back and read it to yourself aloud it will.
So read and see if you think it's funny at all, and if you don't, someday maybe you'll hear me do it on stage, and if you do, I'm going to bet you'll chuckle in spite of yourself. BTW, no offense to the subjects, I'm sure they wouldn't mind. It's a joke after all-
Got a new President, Barack Obama. Won the Nobel Peace Prize. Some people wonder why.
He's trying to stop bad economy, trying to stop bad education, trying to stop bad environment, trying to stop Osama Bin Laden, trying to stop poverty, trying to stop two wars. Can't even stop smoking.
Not a very good example for the kids is it, Barack?
And everyone says how smart Barack is.
If he's so smart wouldn't you'd think he'd be smart enough to figure out he might be wise to stop smoking and like, take up tinkerin' around with interns or something? (In the show, tinkerin' around with interns is replaced by something else. Guess what the something else is, insert it, read it again, then get mad at yourself for guessing it correctly and laughing, instead of at me for writing it)
I'm not thinking ol' Barack will tinker around with interns 'cause he's married to Michelle; she's no joke with them arms, and if she gets wind he's tinkering around with interns, ol' Michelle would smoke Barack. Yup, Michelle'd toss a few picnic tables out onto the West Wing lawn, invite the Republicans over and have herself a Barack Obarmaque. Followed up with a Barack Obombfire. She'd say, "You wanted to smoke Barack, there you go, you're smokin' now."
I feel sorry for Barack.
He's the leader of the free world, the most powerful man in the universe, and he lives with his mother-in-law. Yeah, Michelle's ma lives with them in the White House.
He's got his ma-in-law, Michelle, his two daughters, Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi sniffin' around his behind all the time.
Stop smoking cigarettes, heck, I'm pretty sure in a few weeks he's going to need to take up smoking weed. Get to his Blackberry, text his old Chicago buddy Mayor Marion Barry and order up some grass-ease his nerves a little bit.
(Here again is an edit. In the show I replace weed with something that former Chicago Mayor Marion Barry enjoyed on hidden camera. It's white and rhymes with flack. It's a more harsh choice and I feel like writing it would be over the top, but man oh man, how folks think it's funny when I say it on stage. Folks just like you.)
And if he serves another term, his little girls, his kids, will be full grown women, and if the Moon shines just right he could have all six women harping on him all on the same day. Navigate that, Barack. (Edit alert. Moon shines might give you a clue as to what I replace, harpin' on him, with on stage) That's why they gave him the Nobel Peace Prize.
That's the joke folks. I just read it and it's not really very funny. Maybe it's only funny on stage because I'm funny looking, really, that could be most of it.
Remind me to never write a joke book.
Rusty DeWees tours Vermont and Northern New York with his act "The Logger." His column appears weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com. Listen for The Logger, Rusty DeWees, Thursdays at 7:40 on the Big Station, 98.9 WOKO or visit his website at www.thelogger.com