In a recent status update on my personal face book page I suggested there are two types of people, those who wrap gifts on the floor, and those who wrap on a table. I could have but didn't include the scant number of folks who must have been horribly mistreated when they were young, who wrap on the bed. I can see laying your gifts and wrapping paper on the bed, but to actually do the wrapping on the bed, nope, can't see it.
Of the thirty-eight initial (in ninety minutes) responses, fifteen said they wrap on the floor. One gal noted that she wraps Christmas presents on the floor, but for birthdays, all other holidays, or any other present wrapping occasions, she uses the table.
A handful of floor wrappers stated they're not sure why they wrap on the floor since they have multiple cats and dogs, which makes floor wrapping very difficult. One respondent wrote, "As long as the people receiving the gifts don't mind claw holes in the paper and animal hair on the scotch tape, floor wrapping still works best."
A lady said she wrapped on the floor mostly, and the bed some. Fact is, a total of five folks came through saying they wrap on the bed. I'll have to re-think my not including bed as an option in my Christmas present wrapping location survey. I'll still wonder though, if my theory that the bed is used for stacking gifts and wrapping materials is accurate, how can there be enough room to wrap on the bed? Must be bed-top present wrappers have huge beds, either to keep them a safe distance from there mates while they sleep, or the opposite, or to act as a playground -- a kind of grand love making mesa.
I might try wrapping on the bed this year, but I still feel even if it's one of those high beds, it'll be too low for me because I'm quite tall. I also need a hard surface when I wrap to use as a guide for the scissors as I cut. I don't feel a cushy comforter would provide enough resistance. Plus I'd end up cutting into the bed in some way shape or form. A bed just doesn't seem like it'll be hard enough, even a hard bed. Of bed wrapping I'll conclude, it beats, by large measure, bed wetting, but that's about it.
One lady says she wraps on the table because the floor kills her back. The floor kills my back too, but bending over a table kills it more. Don't ask me how I know.
One person's answer was they wrapped in the car, "on the way to the party." No surprise that answer came from a dude. I'd ask the authorities to consider adding present wrapping, to texting, drinking, and reading, to the list of "don'ts" while you drive.
Another of the six male responders wrote, "I don't own a table." Like me he probably eats standing up at the kitchen counter, which the experts say is bad. They say you should set, relax, take your time and enjoy your meal. I say, phooey, I like standing as I eat, it's better for my back. Have you noticed a theme here, back health? If you don't relate, you're not over thirty-eight. Makes me think though, maybe this year I'll wrap at the kitchen counter, it's wide enough, and I had mine built to forty-nine inches instead of the standard thirty-six. Counter wrapping might be best for back health.
Of her present wrapping tradition one particularly friendly lass shared that she wraps "On the floor, on my knees sometimes, if the package is big enough and I need the leverage." Ahhh the Yule.
Another person said they wrap on the table because if they screw up they like to pound on it. Yup, a dude. Now there's the ole holiday spirit ... pa rum, pum pum pummel.
I wrap on the floor because I like looking directly into the fire, and directly up at the tree.
One person brought up the option to wrap in mid-air. I think we've all done the running- out-the-door mid-air wrap job a time or too. It works, but it's danged dangerous, and the quality of the job will lend substantial evidence to the fact that you thought to buy the present last minute. So unless you want the present recipient to feel un-loved, put thought and effort into buying and wrapping way ahead of the presenting.
I was surprised by two gals; one said she gives the gift in the bag from the store it was bought, thus eliminating the table vs. floor (vs. bed? I'm still not sold) query. The other gal said she saves and uses brown shopping bags as wrapping. I've used shopping bag paper to wrap, but not for Christmas presents. Neither of these gals will be guest starring on Martha Stewart's "Christmas in the Hamptons," anytime soon, but I certainly wouldn't decline a gift from either one of them.
In all cases, as we all know, have heard, and spoke; It's not the gift, or the wrapping, it's the thought, and I'll take any and all thoughts one is willing to send my way.
I'd like to wish you and yours a bit of a premature, but not too premature, Merry Christmas.
Rusty DeWees tours Vermont and Northern New York with his act "The Logger." His column appears weekly. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Listen for The Logger, Rusty DeWees, Thursdays at 7:40 on the Big Station, 98.9 WOKO or visit his website at www.thelogger.com