Battling addiction and winning has been the hardest thing I have had to do.
It was a five year battle of trying to get and stay clean. I had periods of clean time, but never was able to make it past six months. I tried inpatient rehabs, intensive outpatients, and medication assisted treatment (MAT).
Nothing working for the long term.
Why couldn’t I stop using for good?
People say that it takes a person to hit their bottom before they can take this seriously and beat the demon. For me, this was so far from the truth, because once I hit a bottom and thought I could only go up from there, I would hit an even bigger bottom.
It saddens me to see addiction have the stigma it does. When I was a child, I didn’t say, “When I grow up, I want to be a drug addict.”
I struggled with peer pressure: I had no idea who I was and using made me feel like everything was okay.
Sadly, it only took one time using opioids for me to get hooked.
It happened at a time in my life when I was so broken from my marriage. I started out with recreational drinking and using cocaine while I was out, but that quickly progressed to using cocaine daily.
Afraid that I was taking this too far, I checked into rehab and while I was there I was offered opioids. I instantly loved the feeling and left rehab with an even bigger problem then what I showed up with. The opioids ruled my life.
I went to outpatient and tried to stop for fear of them taking over my life, but I was already in over my head. This cycle of using and trying to get help lasted for five years.
I was finally arrested, and what should have been the worst day of my life turned out to be one of the best.
I applied for a program called “drug court” so I could avoid prison and not miss out on five years of my children’s lives. I had already wasted five and now that I was starting to see things clearly, I understood that they deserved so much better.
How ignorant of me to think I was not affecting my children with my drug-using way of life just because I didn’t use directly in front of them.
I was accepted into drug court and had to start 90 recovery meetings in 90 days. This proved to be so hard, seeing how Ticonderoga had only a few support group meetings.
A friend and I took it upon ourselves to find a place to start a Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meeting and we did just that.
A couple months after that was up and running successfully, I scheduled a meeting with the pastor of Cornerstone Alliance Church and wanted to start another meeting. I just couldn’t understand how people knew there was such a problem in the area with drugs yet it seemed like they were doing nothing to help.
Pastor Charlie jumped right in and he never looked back. Together he and I started the first Celebrate Recovery (CR) meeting in the area. The awesome thing about CR is that it differs from NA and AA meetings in that it is not just for addicts. It’s for anyone with a hurt, a habit or a hang up.
Fast forward a year and a half later and here I am — still sober!
So what was missing? How did I make it past six months of sobriety, something I couldn’t do previously?
It was how I chose to handle recovery: the getting clean part is easy, it’s maintaining that proves to be difficult.
I go to three meetings a week religiously and I have a strong relationship with Jesus — something I didn’t think I was good enough to have.
Pastor Charlie and his wife and a couple from Brant Lake that come here every Tuesday to pray for addicts in the area took me under their wings and believed in me. They helped me to foster a relationship with Christ and here I am today, about to graduate drug court, living in my own home with my children who are so happy to have their mommy back, starting my photography business up again, and trying to help other addicts have the same.
If I could offer any advice to anyone struggling and wanting long term sobriety, I would say come to meetings, trust in the people that are there to help you and don’t forget about your spirituality.
So many people get clean and then plateau because they are still spiritually broken. Addiction is, after all, a physical, mental, and spiritual disease and recovery has to address all three of these areas.
I invite anyone interested in chatting informally about addiction or recovery in a comfortable setting to come for coffee and dessert this Thursday, Oct. 12, at 20 Amherst Ave. I’ll be there from 6:30-7:30 p.m. along with some of my friends from the TiNADA Coalition. Hope you can make it — we’d love to see you!
— Krista has shared her story as part of an ongoing colloboration between the Sun Community News and TiNADA. This column is the third in a six-part series chronicling the journey to recovery.
