Dear style & substance:
I recently met a great person and would like to ask her on a date. Here is my dilemma; she is taller than I am. This is shallow and perhaps not an issue; however I have not dated much because I was always self-conscious about my height. Do you have any advice about how to ask this woman on a date?
Dating is initially a game of attraction. Why we are attracted to another person is mysteriously complex. Very often attraction is based on what we come to believe as ideals of outer beauty. We learn this from a young age and in many different forms – family, culture, and media all contribute to whom we are attracted.
One basic rule of attraction: confidence is appealing. Not swagger or boasting, but a quiet confidence in your self and what you have to offer to another person. On the extreme side, the Urban Dictionary describes symptoms of a “Napoleon Complex” as…a short man who may “act out in an attempt to gain respect and recognition from others and compensate for his short stature”. Guard against overcompensating for your vertical challenge by being overly gregarious or; the opposite, overly apologetic.
We all have personal qualities or situations that we are overly sensitive about; for some it is what they consider a lack of education or success, for others it may be weight or even money. You will find that in the world of dating, people are insecure! So if your insecurity is height; know it, own it and work with what you DO have. Develop the qualities that exemplify your best self – dating is a new beginning so do not dwell in the past, think of this experience as a time to reinvent and bring forth everything good about you.
Inner beauty, which is what makes the dating ultimately work out, is revealed as we get to know someone. We believe that if height is an awkward situation for her, she will not accept the date or you will find very soon into the dating if it is an issue…invite her out with confidence, not awkwardness.
In meeting women or once you are dating, some things to remember:
• Don’t talk about your height as if it is something you want focus attention on, even joking about it can get old!
• Take it slow, keep it light, have fun and don’t be needy!
• Do figure out ways to naturally compensate for what you feel may be your biggest weakness…by keeping the traditional gender roles in place to a certain degree; no matter what independent girls say….they DO like to feel feminine, listened to, and protected. This can be done in many ways like planning fun and unique dates, listening, contributing and following up on conversations, opening doors, carrying groceries – courtesy and kindness always win.
Our advice is to ask her on that date. Be confident in who you are. If she is the great person you perceive her to be, chances are she will say yes.
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