Years ago, an old military buddy, while showing me his weapons stockpile in his steel-encased panic room just before he went outside to look for fairies and UFOs, warned me about reptilians, tall, blood-drinking shape-shifters from the Alpha Draconis star system, hiding in underground bunkers as they control the world by taking on human form and gain political power to manipulate society.
At the time, I recalled one of my favorite shows growing up was “V,” a science fiction series about reptiles disguised as humans that aired in 1983. They wanted to take over the world, too.
I rolled my eyes and passed on joining my friend for his outdoor adventure to find fairies and UFOs.
Yes, a plethora of books, essays, websites and video discussions on reptilians exist, but I wasn’t convinced until I started listening to politicians recently.
I’m no fan of any political party, but Republicans have me convinced that Reptilians live on Earth and have been elected to represent us.
You’re probably thinking I’ve been drinking or am pulling one over on you, but just stick with me a little longer.
Republican Senate candidate Todd Akin, calling for the illegalization of abortion, said: “if it’s a ‘legitimate rape,’ the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
I heard that and wondered if the man was ignorant or accusing woman who became pregnant after being raped of being liars.
Then I realized Akin is a reptilian, and they need the planet to up its production of babies so they can farm them.
I mean, the science community has not only disproved Akin’s comments, but studies indicate rape victims may in fact be more likely to get pregnant than others on the whole.
Of course, now I am angry with myself for not realizing sooner that reptilians exist.
In 1995 Republican lawmakers stated that when a woman is raped, “the juices don’t flow,” and in 1998 that women emit “a certain secretion” that stops pregnancy during a rape.
This statement points to reptilians and reveals that the aliens are not as bright as they are manipulative and cruel, given that these statements contradicted each other.
GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney has said that corporations are clearly people because they put money in human pockets — an obvious slip up as he subtly indicates with his wording that he is other than human — and told unemployed people in Florida that he too is unemployed, while leaving out his net worth is more than $200 million.
Only a reptilian wanting to manipulate and control the planet would argue that a corporation, which was unable to feel and breathe and experience life but at the same time provided him with the financial resources to manipulate and control, deserved and required the same protections and rights as people.
And thinking that the unemployed poor are stupid enough to consider he is one of their buddies and can relate to their plight is clearly indicative of a reptilian lacking a human brain.
More recently, Romney accused a massive number of Americans of playing the victim card as they depend on the government and believe America should provide them with health care and food. He said it is his job not to worry about these people.
Granted, Romney was speaking at a gathering of other wealthy reptilians and they truly do not worry about people.
But his narrow, free-market-inspired comments betray his lack of a human brain, because a free market is only truly free if its participants are able to act freely within it.
In order to be able to pursue the same opportunities, people need the same tools, and because of an array of factors including, but not limited to, drugs, disabilities, abuse, tragedy and extreme poverty, that is not always the case. These are scenarios in which the people did not initially choose to have these factors in their lives, yet can result in them being left at an extreme disadvantage in life.
Often, government-funded programs provide the missing tools to individuals who are survivors and have in fact worked harder in life to get where they are, compared to those gifted with more tools out of the gate. They are not victims and mooches.
This is how a community of humans acting as caretakers and not enablers works.
Of course, an alien species unable to hide its true intentions would not know that.
Well, do you know what I am going to do now that I am equipped with this vital information?
Go outside and look for UFOs and fairies.
Reach Editor Stephen Bartlett at firstname.lastname@example.org.